Freedom’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

I suppose when people hit rock bottom, they don’t know it until they’ve started their ascent up?

I had one of those revelations this last week.  The revelation that somebody I cared deeply for was, well, pretty much using me.  And the kicker was that all of my friends have seen it coming for quite some time.  And yes, oh yes, they warned me.  And I knew.  I don’t know how to explain it, but I knew what was going on.  Deep inside I knew.  But some part of me (the same part that always speaks its mind when situations like this arise) wanted to prove them wrong.  Wanted to validate the love I had for this person.  To make it ok, and show my friends they were wrong.

Why was this last week any different from the numerous other times this person disappointed me?  I couldn’t tell you.  I could always rationalize the hurtful things before, wrote them off as circumstantial, or unintentional.  I suppose this time it was undeniably cruel though.  Sure, it was probably unintentional, but the hurt this time was too great to rationalize.

The silver lining here?  I’m free.  Free of the heartache, free of the downward spiral of emotions once this persons shine has worn off.  Free of caring what they think.  And that’s because I had absolutely nothing left to lose with them.