Freedom’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

I suppose when people hit rock bottom, they don’t know it until they’ve started their ascent up?

I had one of those revelations this last week.  The revelation that somebody I cared deeply for was, well, pretty much using me.  And the kicker was that all of my friends have seen it coming for quite some time.  And yes, oh yes, they warned me.  And I knew.  I don’t know how to explain it, but I knew what was going on.  Deep inside I knew.  But some part of me (the same part that always speaks its mind when situations like this arise) wanted to prove them wrong.  Wanted to validate the love I had for this person.  To make it ok, and show my friends they were wrong.

Why was this last week any different from the numerous other times this person disappointed me?  I couldn’t tell you.  I could always rationalize the hurtful things before, wrote them off as circumstantial, or unintentional.  I suppose this time it was undeniably cruel though.  Sure, it was probably unintentional, but the hurt this time was too great to rationalize.

The silver lining here?  I’m free.  Free of the heartache, free of the downward spiral of emotions once this persons shine has worn off.  Free of caring what they think.  And that’s because I had absolutely nothing left to lose with them.

Apologies

I realized today I’ve been remiss in my postings and wanted to get caught up.

Things have been crazy (as usual) and of course I’ve been pondering events and happenings (as usual) and adopting to the changes that life inevitably throws at you.

I don’t really know where to start – moved to a new apartment, embarked on a journey of working from home, finished my second half marathon.. the list could continue.

Really, life is no excuse for letting the things you like to do slide to the wayside.  And on that note, I need to go eat something.

Could Do Better

Do you ever have those moments where you think about things you’ve done and wonder “Could I have done that better?”  Or maybe it was a relationship that you could have put a little more (or less) effort into?  What about when somebody comes back into your life, after an extended (and possibly purposeful) time away?

When these things happen to me, I can’t help but wonder.  I don’t find myself dealing with regrets and “what could have beens” but sometimes you just have to think what would life be like if only…

And sometimes, when I lie awake at night, I realize that for better or for worse, the choices I’ve made (and those that have been made for me) put me where I am today, and I have nothing to complain about.

Wow – this was so not where I intended this post to go – I was thinking about certain relationships that for all intents and purposes could have flourished, but didn’t.  Nobody necessarily to blame evidentily just not the right time or place (because how much effort can you put in before calling it quits?) for two stars to align.

But how do you know something better is out there?

iCream iCream follow up posting

So, the story of the iCream. I’m sad to say (as I think most Chi-cagans would) that this iCream place has really been a let down.  I’ve walked by the store about a dozen times now over the past few months.  And not once has it actually been open.  I think it maybe a joke.  Their ads are still on the El, there is still a sign on the front door saying there is something wrong with their machine.  Don’t you think they would have had this all worked out before spending soooo much money? Or at least have a backup machine?  I guess I’ll stick to Cold Stone and DQ!

Moving Day – Part Three

What a day.  I feel like I accomplished a lot and maybe I did.  For the most part, my bedroom is done – all the clothes are put away, the closet is full.  And I’m not kidding.  Nearly full to the brim.  It took all day, but it’s nearly done.  I’ve got only a few more boxes left in the kitchen/living room, so that’s also exciting, but I’ve still got a lot of work to do.  I just don’t feel like this place has much personality yet.  I don’t have anything on the walls, or any décor up, but I’m glad that I’m getting things organized first.  There isn’t much I can do with the windows, or anything like that.

I didn’t spend much time yesterday unpacking – spent some time at the beach and did dinner with Crystal and her friends.  Got home, and Crystal actually brought her little TV with her and I was highly surprised, in a pleasant way, that not only did it get some reception, but when I plugged it into the cable – I got good channels!  So unfortunately, I’ve been glued to all the bad TV that I’ve been missing.  Family Guy, Gossip Girl, The Bachelorette.  Oh the guilty pleasures I have now.

I don’t really want to do anything with the living room, just because in three weeks I’m having my party, and I’m going to have to take everything out anyway.  But I want to make sure my spare bedroom is at least presentable, and I’m hoping to have some of the décor in my rooms done, so when I give people the “grand tour” – they might get the feel of my personality in this place, especially when it’s so generic right now.

I have a lot of great ideas in my head, but the limit of funds, time, and resources is slightly limiting in what I’ve been able to do.  I think my first goal was just to sort things out first, and get the big things into their places.  There is a lot of potential, since I have a huge blank slate, so I’ll have to see what I can work into.

Moving Day – Part Two

Yesterday was day two of new home, and a much better day it was.  Started off the morning looking around trying to figure out what would be the easiest and most sensible area to start on.  Worked on the bedroom a little bit – more putting away sweaters than anything, trying to figure out what goes where in terms of storage.  Put together the computer, which seems to be working fine – the movers didn’t manage to damage it, which I was quite thankful for.  Even did some work on the odds and ends boxes in the living room – trying to get that mess to a manageable pile.  It’s getting there.

Heard from Jim first thing in the morning and he completely made my day – told me how to turn my shower on.  No twisting, no turning, no pushing.  There is a part of the faucet, where the water comes out – you pull on that.  Who would have thought?  I absolutely enjoyed my hot, pressurized shower later in the day.  Amazing how clean you feel with a little water pressure!

Other than that, just kept on keeping on with the unpacking, purging and re-arranging of things.  Really trying to eliminate some of my belongings – somebody my age really doesn’t need all this STUFF.  Just no reason.