The World of Kris

Freedom’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

krissay — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 04:23:50 +0000

I suppose when people hit rock bottom, they don’t know it until they’ve started their ascent up?

I had one of those revelations this last week. The revelation that somebody I cared deeply for was, well, pretty much using me. And the kicker was that all of my friends have seen it coming for quite some time. And yes, oh yes, they warned me. And I knew. I don’t know how to explain it, but I knew what was going on. Deep inside I knew. But some part of me (the same part that always speaks its mind when situations like this arise) wanted to prove them wrong. Wanted to validate the love I had for this person. To make it ok, and show my friends they were wrong.

Why was this last week any different from the numerous other times this person disappointed me? I couldn’t tell you. I could always rationalize the hurtful things before, wrote them off as circumstantial, or unintentional. I suppose this time it was undeniably cruel though. Sure, it was probably unintentional, but the hurt this time was too great to rationalize.

The silver lining here? I’m free. Free of the heartache, free of the downward spiral of emotions once this persons shine has worn off. Free of caring what they think. And that’s because I had absolutely nothing left to lose with them.

Apologies

krissay — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:32:42 +0000

I realized today I’ve been remiss in my postings and wanted to get caught up.

Things have been crazy (as usual) and of course I’ve been pondering events and happenings (as usual) and adopting to the changes that life inevitably throws at you.

I don’t really know where to start – moved to a new apartment, embarked on a journey of working from home, finished my second half marathon.. the list could continue.

Really, life is no excuse for letting the things you like to do slide to the wayside. And on that note, I need to go eat something.

Could Do Better

krissay — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:04:27 +0000

Do you ever have those moments where you think about things you’ve done and wonder “Could I have done that better?” Or maybe it was a relationship that you could have put a little more (or less) effort into? What about when somebody comes back into your life, after an extended (and possibly purposeful) time away?

When these things happen to me, I can’t help but wonder. I don’t find myself dealing with regrets and “what could have beens” but sometimes you just have to think what would life be like if only…

And sometimes, when I lie awake at night, I realize that for better or for worse, the choices I’ve made (and those that have been made for me) put me where I am today, and I have nothing to complain about.

Wow – this was so not where I intended this post to go – I was thinking about certain relationships that for all intents and purposes could have flourished, but didn’t. Nobody necessarily to blame evidentily just not the right time or place (because how much effort can you put in before calling it quits?) for two stars to align.

But how do you know something better is out there?

Let’s Get Lifted

krissay — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:20:31 +0000

Welcome to a New Year! Seems a little old, doesn’t it? I mean, we’re already 5 days in. Yesterday I thought about some of my resolutions, and then I thought about why I set them. I don’t think I had any last year because I never really keep to them. I always thought it was because I was ok with who I was, and what I did. But thinking about it this year, its not so much about wrongs that need to be ‘righted’ but more about improving yourself and your situation. And lets face it, a lot of people’s situations could stand to be improved this year.

So that said, I’m keeping my ‘resolutions’ to myself this year – keeping them locked away inside to hold as personal triumphs or failures. I have some ‘ideals’ that I think are more resolutions, but nothing to be ashamed if I don’t do.. like cook a new dish every week, try new beers (and that goes for new THINGS!), and just be happier. But how do you measure the success of being happier? How do you say “Oh, I missed cooking a new dish last week.. I fail.” I don’t think you can. I think you factor everything into it, and just accept that life comes along and you can’t always control it.

Now that I’ve sufficiently rambled, I’m just going to say that 2009 is going to be a year of change, a year of acceptance, and a year of letting go. Now thats a resolution I can stick to.

Home

krissay — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:50:51 +0000

It’s so cliche – the saying “You can’t go home again.” But the truth is obviously you can. People do it all the time. Holidays especially, they make the trip to their parents houses, the places they remember their childhoods. Reliving the memories from growing up.

I’m no exception. I came home yesterday – only the second time I’ve been home this year. The first time I’ve been back alone, and there is something liberating, yet utterly melancholy about it. Being home reminds me of who I was, but makes me proud of who I’ve become. Being home reminds me of all the friends I’ve lost touch with, but makes me thankful of those I haven’t. And most of all, being home reminds me of the small town childhood I had, and makes me appreciate the big city life I now live.

You can go home when ever you’d like, but the truth is your memories of home will never be matched.

Let It Snow

krissay — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:17:08 +0000

For the most part, I’m a grumpy winter-er. I don’t necessarily like the cold and wind that comes with the months between November and February. And most years, that first warm day where you can start to feel the change of the seasons is the happiest day for me .

But sometimes, I’m divinely inspired by the snow. Like today. Wasn’t particularly cold, and as I walked along the Chicago river to work, the light fluffy snow flakes falling down – I couldn’t help but smile. I’m sure my fellow commutes may have thought I was a little nutty, but it just made me happy.

It could be the fact that this is the only day I’m working this week, the fact I’m heading home for much needed vacation tomorrow, or that I get to see family as well. This all could add up. It could be the fact that I do like elements of winter and have great memories of quality time spent in the snow.

But really, who needs a reason to smile on a beautiful winter day?

iCream iCream follow up posting

krissay — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:33:52 +0000

So, the story of the iCream. I’m sad to say (as I think most Chi-cagans would) that this iCream place has really been a let down. I’ve walked by the store about a dozen times now over the past few months. And not once has it actually been open. I think it maybe a joke. Their ads are still on the El, there is still a sign on the front door saying there is something wrong with their machine. Don’t you think they would have had this all worked out before spending soooo much money? Or at least have a backup machine? I guess I’ll stick to Cold Stone and DQ!

It’s my life

krissay — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 05:47:01 +0000

Tonight I write a bit confused. I hate when I watch movies, and then decide to start psycho-analyzing myself. Isn’t the point of a movie to relax, let go, and forget your worries? No no, not me. I watch a movie and it forces me to do the deep thinking. A little depressing really.

I started to think about all the things I want to do in the next few months, and where I really want to go. Want to go visit some friends on the West coast, perhaps to an awesome road trip from Northern to Southern California, and hit a few awesome spots in between. Travel excites me – the idea of being in a new place and doing new things keeps me motivated. Staying still and not learning, not going on new adventures – thats what will kill me in the long run.

Probably helps clear my head from all the insanity going around. At work, in personal life, in general – too much drama, and chaos. I like the simple life, where things (and people) are as they seem.

Can’t Find The Words

krissay — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:20:19 +0000

Just a quick post, but i’ve fallen in love with a website. One of my co-workers brought it up today in a meeting, and since I have a thing for visualizing otherwise non visual things, I love it!… it’s called Wordle. You should check it out. I’m posting two things I did super quick.

One is the lyrics from my favorite song, and inspiration for my latest tattoo, the other is the transcript from Michelle Obama’s speech at the DNC. Pretty cool, no?

iCream, you cream, we all cream for icream.

krissay — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 03:59:50 +0000

So this new place opened around the corner. Although the genius who named it “iCream” might be lacking in their common sense, but thats beside the point. Their gimmick is you can choose if you want ice cream, sorbet, or frozen yogurt. You pick the flavor, and if you want ‘things’ in it – then they make it, literaly, right in front of you. Unfortunately, when I walked by, their nitrogen machine was out of order (I hate when that happens). And according to their website, it still is. Anyway. So plastered all over the el are adds for “iCream”. Which I always kinda laugh when I read it. Anyway. Take a look. Enjoy the laugh.

http://www.icreamcafe.com/